Lee's Funnies

                                                          
                                                               
                        Administratium

     The heaviest element known to science was recently 
discovered by physicists at PPPL. The element, tentatively 
named Administratium, has no protons, but a large number of 
deputy neutrons, assistant neutrons, associate neutrons, 
division head neutrons, and branch head neutrons. Its 
massive nucleus is held together by a force that involves 
the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called 
morons.

     Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. 
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every 
reaction it comes in contact with.  According to the 
discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium caused one 
reaction to take over seven days to complete, when it would 
normally occur in less than one second.

     Administratium has a normal half life of approximately 
one year, at which time instead of decaying it undergoes a 
reorganization in which some neutrons exchange places. Some 
studies have shown that the atomic weight actually increases 
after each reorganization. This phenomenon has been named 
the moronic effect.

     Research at other laboratories indicates that 
Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere and tends 
to concentrate at government agencies, large corporations, 
universities, and nuclear fusion laboratories. Invariably, 
it is found in the newest and best maintained buildings.

     Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be 
toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy 
any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. 
Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can 
be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to 
date are not promising.


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