Lee's Funnies

                                                          
                                                               
                        Classified Ads
  
Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers
-----------------------------------------------------------

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us     
once, you`ll never go anywhere again.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, 
meals, and smacks included.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to 
travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience 
preferred.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom 
for efficient beating.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. 
Blue Cross and salary.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; 
Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and 
large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an 
extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it 
carefully by hand.

For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for 
sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful 
condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of 
aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family  
appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find 
person.

Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or 
drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to 
assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of 
contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in 
variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your 
home for $1.00.


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