Lee's Funnies

                                                          
                                                               
                  The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, 
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and 
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.  The grasshopper 
has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, 
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.  
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and 
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press 
conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed 
to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the 
shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his 
comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.  How can it be 
that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is 
allowed to suffer so?

Then a representative of the NAAGB (National Association of 
Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant with 
"green bias", and makes the case that the grasshopper is the 
victim of 30 million years of greenism.

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and 
everybody cries when he sings "It's Not Easy Being Green."  
Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on 
the CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that 
they will do everything they can for the grasshopper who has 
been denied the prosperity he deserves by those who 
benefited unfairly during the Reagan summers, or as Bill 
refers to it, the "Temperatures of the 80's."

Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter 
Jennings that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the 
grasshopper, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant 
to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and 
Anti-Greenism Act". Retroactive to the beginning of the 
summer.  The ant is fined for failing to hire a 
proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left 
to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the 
government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper 
in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried 
before a panel of federal judges that Bill appointed from a 
list of single-parent welfare moms who can only hear cases 
on Thursday's between 1:30 and 3pm when there are no talk 
shows scheduled.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the 
last bits of the ant's food while the government house he's 
in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles 
around him since he doesn't know how to maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.  And on the TV, which 
the grasshopper bought by selling most of the ant's food, 
they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly 
applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of 
"fairness" has dawned in America.


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