Lee's Funnies

                                                          
                                                               
Application to date my daughter

If you are interested in dating my daughter, simply print 
out and complete the following form and mail it to me for 
review and approval. Before doing so, you might want to 
review the RULES for dating my daughter. They WILL be 
enforced!

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
--------------------------------------------------------------

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected 
unless accompained by a complete financial statement, job 
history, lineage, and current medical report from your 
doctor.

1. NAME:________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH:_________________
2. HEIGHT:__________WEIGHT:______________IQ:_________GPA:__________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY #:___________________DRIVER'S LICENSE:____________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK:________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS:__________________________________________________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent?_________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married:__________________________
8. Do you own a van:____ a truck with oversized tires:____a waterbed:_____
9. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button rings?____tattoo?_____
10. In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
(attach additional pages with response as needed)
11. In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
12. In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
13. Church you attend:_________________________________________________
14. When would be the best time to interview you father, mother and pastor?_____
15. Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely. All answers are
strictly confidential. (That means I won't tell anyone ever)
A. If I was ever shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is:
B. If I was beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C. A woman's place is in the:
D. The one thing I hope the application does not ask is:
E. When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is: (NOTE: if answer
E begins with a T or an A, discontinue and leave premises keeping your head low
and running in a serpentine fashion is advised).
16. What do you want to be IF you grow up?

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I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS FREE, AND 
CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, 
DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, 
ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED-HOT POKER, AND 
HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.

Applicant's signature:__________________________________________________
                       (this means sign your name, moron)

Thank you for you interest. Please allow 4-6 years for 
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are 
approved. Please do not call or write. (You probably can't 
anyway.) If your application is rejected two gentlemen 
wearing white ties and carrying violin cases will notify 
you(you might watch your back).


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