Lee's Funnies

                                                          
                                                               
Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy 
marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by 
taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with 
himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her 
killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a 
nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of 
"Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going 
price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that 
he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his 
wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front.

The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar 
bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and 
reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for 
the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local 
Safeway grocery store.  There, he surprised her in the 
produce department, and proceeded to strangle her with his 
gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last 
breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce 
department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene.

Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice 
but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to 
Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden 
cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who 
immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested 
before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning 
at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, 
including his financial arrangement with the hapless 
husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline 
declared:

[you're going to hate this]

"ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY"


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