Lee's Funnies

 

Think you're having a bad day?
 
This was an article in the CALIFORNIA "EXAMINER", March 20, 1998
 
Authorities in California found a corpse in a burnt out section of
forest after assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with a dive tank,
flippers, and facemask. A post mortem examination revealed that the
person died not from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental
records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set
about determining how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a
forest fire. It was that, on the day of the fire, the person went for
a diving trip off the coast-some 20 miles away from the forest. The
firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible,
called in a fleet of helicopters with very large buckets. The buckets
were dropped into the ocean for rapid filling, then flown to the
forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was
making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing a
breaststroke in a fire bucket 300 feet in the air. Apparently, he
extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.

STILL HAVING A BAD DAY? THINK AGAIN!

So you think you're having a bad day. The following is taken from a
Florida newspaper.

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in
the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the
motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man,
still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door
and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife,
hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband
laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to
him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and
summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the
wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to
direct the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and
transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the
motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing the gas had spilled on the
floor, the wife obtained some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline,
and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the
hospital and was released to come home.

After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the
damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the
bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing
the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl
while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud
explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and
found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away
and he was suffering from burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs
and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an
ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met
them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher
and began carrying him to the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the
wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned
himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard,
one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell
down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

Now THAT is a bad day.


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