Lee's Funnies

                                                          

                 The epic of the baked bean

	Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a 
terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they 
always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on 
him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was 
apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself 
"She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so he made 
the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after 
that they got married.

	A few months later, on the way home from work, his 
car broke down and since they lived in the country, he 
called his wife and told her he would be late because he had 
to walk. On is way home, he passed a small cafe and the 
wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him.

	Since he still had several miles to walk he figured 
he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he 
went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra 
large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he 
'putt-putted.' He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' 
up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably 
safe.

	His wife met him at the door and seemed some what 
excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful 
surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on 
him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and 
made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning 
to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to 
remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him 
promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to 
answer the phone.

	While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He 
shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only 
loud, but *ripe* as a rotten egg. He had a hard time 
breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air 
about him. He had just started to feel better, when another 
urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!'. It 
sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To 
keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping 
the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to 
normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his 
weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue 
ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table 
shook and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. 
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the 
hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he 
carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and 
fanning them each time with his napkin.

	When he heard the 'phone farewells' (indicating the 
end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his 
napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling 
contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife 
walked in.

	Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had 
peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she 
removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!"

	To his shock & horror, there were twelve dinner 
guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday 
party.
                                                               

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