Lee's Funnies

                                                          

                        Over 40 Barbie

Realizing that as the baby boomers mature, Mattel has been 
working with some new expansion of the product line. Here 
are some of the ideas that Mattel is considering for a 
proposed "Past 40 Barbie"

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens 
fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck 
chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart 
Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch 
her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration 
appear on her forehead! With handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see 
her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and 
magnifying mirror.

4. Cook's Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with 
these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy 
front, too: muu-muus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah 
sponge optional.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels 
have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched 
feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, 
then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No More Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet 
and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from 
Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader 
is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school 
megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in 
robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut 
holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie 
needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just 
what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping 
in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open 
a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Single Mother Barbie. There's not much time for primping 
anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the 
Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. 
in a fourth-floor walkup. Barbie's selling off her old gowns 
and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale 
kit included.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up 
with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead 
of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings 
religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and 
six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Alternative Lifestyle Barbie. Barbie has finally ditched 
Ken, and discovered her real calling. Comes complete with a 
Pink Triangle window sticker for her Barbie SUV. Optional 
"Sensible Barbie" fashion collection which includes flats, 
NOW approved hairstyles, a "Towanda Lives" bumper sticker, 
and an exclusive CD collection of songs by the Indigo Girls, 
K. D. Lang, and other favorites. Shaver not included.


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