Lee's Funnies
What do you call three blondes standing on their heads? -
Brunettes
Why can't blondes be pharmacists? - They can't get the
little bottle in the typewriter.
How do you change a blonde's mind? - You blow in her ear.
What do you call a smart blond? - A golden retriever.
Why don't blondes eat pickles? - Pickles don't ejaculate.
Why can't blondes eat pickles? - They can't get their heads
stuck in the jar.
Why do blondes have the initials 'FGIF' on their socks? -
Feet go in first.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? - That's
where you wash all the vegetables.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? - They're
both empty from the neck up.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? - Pull
the pin and throw it back.
How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle? - Shine a
flashlight in her ears.
What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear? - Thanks
for the refill.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? - Gifted.
What do you call an artificial blonde who dyes her hair
brunette? - intelligence.
What is the advantage of marrying a blonde? - You can park
in handicap zones.
What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes? -
An interpreter.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? - Tell her a
joke on Wednesday.
How do you murder a blonde? - Put spikes on her shoulder
pads.
How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer? -
There's white-out on the screen.
What do you call a basement full of blondes? - A whine
cellar.
What do a smart blonde and a dinosaur have in common? -
They're both extinct.
What's the difference between Bigfoot and a smart blonde? -
At least Bigfoot has been sighted.
A blonde and a brunette fell off a building at the same
time. Who would hit the ground first? - The brunette, the
blonde would have to stop and asks for directions.
How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? - One,
she holds the light bulb and the whole world revolves around
her.
Why shouldn't blondes be given coffee breaks? - It takes too
long to retrain them.
How to you keep a blonde busy for a week? - Give her a box
of M & M's and have her alphabetize them.
What do you call five blondes standing in a row? - A wind
tunnel.
Why do blondes wear their bangs combed upward? - To stop
everything from going over their heads.
What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over
her ear? - Trying to hold onto a thought.
How do you drown a blonde? - Put a mirror on the bottom of
the pool.
What do you call five blondes in a freezer? - Frosted
flakes.
What is the mating call of a blonde? - I soooo drunk.
What do you say to a blonde to convince her to make love to
you? - Have another beer.
How does a blonde turn on the lights after making love? -
She opens the car door.
What do blondes and cow pies have in common? - The older
they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? - So they have a place to
rest their ankles.
What does a blonde do first in the morning? - She introduces
herself and goes home.
Why do blondes wear underwear? - To keep their ankles warm.
Why do blondes like tilt steering? - More head room.
Why do blondes have square boobs? - They forgot to take the
Kleenex out of box.
What does a blonde say after sex? - You guys on the same
team ...?
What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? - An air
pocket.
Why can't blondes drive cars? - Because they keep getting
into the back seat.
What do you call four blondes standing in a circle? - A dope
ring.
What do you call a hooker and three blondes standing on a
corner? - Regular prices, four bucks, four bucks, four
bucks.
How do blondes respond to being told that they're pregnant?
- Are you sure it minds ...?
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? - Spot.
Why can't blondes make Kool Aid? - They can't fit eight
quarts of water in that little package.
How do you know when a blonde has done your landscaping? -
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Why do blondes like the IRS? - Because they can spell it ...
just barely.
Why was the blonde so happy when she put the jigsaw puzzle
together in three weeks? - Because the box said two to four
years.
Why did the blonde get depressed when she saw her new driver
license? - Because she thought she got an F in sex.
How can you tell you're getting a FAX from a blonde. - There
is a stamp on it.
Why was the blonde waving a butterfly net over her head? -
Collecting her thought.
Why don't blondes want to breast feed their babies? - Oiling
their nipples is too painful.
A traffic cop pulled over a blonde, walked over to the
driver side door, the blonde looked up and said. - Not the
breathalyzer again ...?
What's the different between a blonde and a toilet seat? - A
toilet seat does not follow you around after you use it.
What is the difference between a blonde and the Suez Canal?
- One is a busy ditch.
How did the blonde check to see that her turn signals were
working? - Yes it is, no it isn't, Yes it is, no it isn't.
What did the blonde yell in an emergency? - What's the
number for 911 ?!?
Why do blondes have big navels? - Because they have blonde
boyfriends.
How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.? - With a tire gauge.
What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head? -
All you can eat for under a buck.
What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? - Hump-me
Dump-me.
Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence? - To see
what was on the other side.
Why do blondes keep failing their driver license tests? -
They keep getting in the back seat.
What's the difference between a blonde and a screen door? -
The more you slam them, the more they loosen up.
When is a blonde at a loss for words? - Never.
How do you shut a blonde up? - Take her to a drive-in and
unzip your fly.
How did the blonde burn her lips trying to blow up her
boyfriend's car? - She burned them on the exhaust pipe.
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