Lee's Funnies

                                                          

The Irish Bricklayer's Insurance Claim

Dear Sir: 

I am writing in response to your request for additional 
information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I 
put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked 
for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details 
will be sufficient. 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I 
was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. 
When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left 
over which when weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. 
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to 
lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached 
to the side of the building at the sixth floor. 

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, 
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I 
went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure 
a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on 
the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs. 

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so 
suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of 
the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up 
the side of the building. 

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which 
was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. 
This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the 
broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident 
reporting form. 

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not 
stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two 
knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 
2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time I had 
regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to 
the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now 
beginning to experience. 

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of 
bricks hit the ground, and the bottom fell out of the 
barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel 
weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my 
weight. 

As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side 
of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met 
the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured 
ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and 
lower body. 

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with 
the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries 
when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only 
three vertebrae were cracked. 

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of 
bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty 
barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and 
presence of mind and let go of the rope ...
                                        

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