Lee's Funnies

                                                          
 
Here are some sarcastic remarks for the day, or even for 
bumper stickers.

1.  A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

2.  Do I look like a f***ing people person?

3.  This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent 
lighting.

4.  I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

5.  I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

6.  Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

7.  If I throw a stick, will you leave?

8.  You! ... Off my planet!

9.  If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll 
put shoes on my cats.

10.  Does your train of thought have a caboose?

11.  The Bible was written by the same people who said the 
Earth was flat.

12.  Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

13.  Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

14.  And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?

15.  A PBS mind in an MTV world.

16.  Allow me to introduce my selves.

17.  Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

18.  Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name 
streets after them.

19.  Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

20.  See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

21.  Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

22.  I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

23.  I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why 
should I leave the house?

24.  Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

25.  Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving 
if you touch me?

26.  It ain't the size, it's ... no, it's the size.

27.  A woman's favorite position is CEO.

28.  I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

29.  A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

30.  Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you 
haven't fallen asleep yet.

31.  Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

32.  I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted 
paychecks.

33.  Okay, okay, I take it back! UnF*** you!

34.  Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35.  Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

36.  Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

37.  Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

38.  I plead contemporary insanity.

39.  And which dwarf are you?

40.  How do I set a laser printer to stun?

41.  Meandering to a different drummer.

42.  I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to 
go?
                                   

Click here to return to the main page