Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?



BARACK OBAMA

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right
from DAY ONE -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me ...

DR. PHIL

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

AL GORE

I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I
will not give up on the chickens crossing the road!  I will fight for
the chickens and I will not disappoint them.

(alternate)

I invented the chicken!

GEORGE W. BUSH

I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road.  I say give
the road to the chickens and let them decide.  The government needs to
let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.

(alternate)

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road ...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.

SENATOR LIEBERMAN

I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their
own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should
be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.

DICK CHENEY

Chickens are big-time because they have wings.  They could fly if they
wanted to.  Chickens don't want to cross the road.  They don't need help
crossing the road.  In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road
myself.

(alternate)

Where's my gun? 

RALPH NADER

Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil
tiremakers.  Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers
to make tires then leads chickens into believing there is an advantage
to crossing them.  Down with the roads, up with chickens.

PAT BUCHANAN

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

JERRY FALWELL

Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay.  And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay
too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like
"the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road.
It's as plain and simple as that.

DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

BARBARA WALTERS

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
life long dream of crossing the road.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told
us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens
have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your
checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
"chicken?" Could you define "chicken" please?

GEORGE BUSH

I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN

The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed
the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was
much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?

AL SHARPTON

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.