Lee's Funnies

                                                          

                           Church Readings

Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were 
inscribed: "The Gate of Heaven". Below that was a small 
cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."

Rev. Warren J. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian 
Church of Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard 
was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks 
I am."

A Woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her 
Christmas cards. "What Denomination?" Asked the clerk. "Oh, 
good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well 
give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic ones."

On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor 
and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor 
said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today." The 
farmer replied: "Heck, if even only one cow shows up at 
feeding time, I feed it."

During a children's sermon, Rev. Larry Eisenberg asked the 
children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and 
said: "It means - 'Tha-tha-tha-that's all folks!' "

A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any 
order. His answer? "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".

I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old 
son ran up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, 
where a sea gull lay dead in the sand. "Mommy, what happened 
to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to Heaven," 
I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God 
threw him back down?"

Bill Keane, creator of the Family Circus cartoon strip tells 
of a time when he was penciling one of his cartoons and his 
son Jeffy said, "Daddy, how do you know what to draw?" I 
said, "God tells me." Jeffy said, "Then why do you keep 
erasing parts of it?"

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor: 
"When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money." "Well, 
thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?" "Because my daddy 
says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she 
turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you 
like to say the blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," 
she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife 
said.  Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why 
on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
                     

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