Lee's Funnies

                                                          

                        Computers and Cars ...

How true ...

Dated 3/29/99 5:16:40 PM Pacific Standard Time,

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly 
compared the computer industry to the car industry and 
stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer 
industry  has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar 
cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to 
Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release (by 
Mr. Welch himself) stating: "If GM had developed technology 
like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the 
following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a 
day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you 
would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no 
reason, and you would just accept this, restart, and drive 
on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, 
would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in 
which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you 
bought "Car95" or"CarNT."  But then you would have to buy 
more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, 
reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, 
but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights 
would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning 
light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size 
butt.

9. The air bag system would say "Are you sure?" before going 
off.

10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would 
lock you out and refuse to let you in until you 
simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and 
grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a 
deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), 
even though they neither need or want them.  Attempting to 
delete this option would immediately cause the car's 
performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would 
become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model car, buyers would 
have to learn how to drive all over again because none of 
the controls would operate in  the same manner as the old 
car.

13. You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine."


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