Lee's Funnies

                                                          

Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward 
dominating every aspect of American life with the 
introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications 
designed for users who engage in sex.

Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity 
and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give 
it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation 
enhancement market.

The product addresses two important user concerns: the need 
for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure 
the non-propagation of human beings.

The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products:  
Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from 
Norton Utilities).  A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 
is bundled in the package.

The suite also comes in two expanded versions.  
Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, 
for professionals in the sexual services sector.  
Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for 
start-ups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.

While Contraceptive98 does not address non-traditional 
copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next 
year. They will be known as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, 
and JerkOff.

OPERATION

Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install 
the package.

At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum 
hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product 
installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most 
requirements.

After installation, operation commences. One caution is that 
the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session.

When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and 
the user gets the message, It is now safe to turn off your 
partner.

DRAWBACKS

Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major 
concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was 
the most serious error encountered.

Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have 
been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time 
its used.

CONCLUSION

Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, 
it is a reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and 
is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future 
releases (of the software, that is) will add missing 
functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible 
Power Supply, and Onboard Camera.

Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about 
Contraceptive98's potential. He recently said, Our 
contraceptive products will help users do to each other what 
we've been doing to our customers for years.


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