Lee's Funnies

                                                          

You know you work in Corporate America in the 90's if ...

-You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three 
different companies

-Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro

-Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket

-Your company logo on your badge is applied with stick-um

-You order your business cards in "half orders" instead of 
whole boxes

-When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie

-You get really excited about a 2% pay raise

-You learn about your layoff on CNN

-Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your 
best jokes

-You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet

-Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher 
than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined

-You think lunch is just a meeting to which you drive

-It's dark when you drive to and from work

-Fun is when issues are assigned to someone else

-Communication is something your group is having problems 
with

-You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor

-Free food left over from meetings is your main staple

-Weekends are those days your significant other makes you 
stay home

-Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the 
hospital

-Art involves a white board

-You're already late on the assignment you just got

-When 100% of your time means 20 hours, with 40 more hours 
on the other 100% of your time.

-You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly 
say "Oh wow, thanks!"

-Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube and are read by 
your co-workers only

-Your boss' favorite lines are "when you get a few minutes" 
or "when you're freed up"

-Your boss' second favorite lines are "this isn't exactly 
what we need. It may be what we asked for, but things have 
changed."

-Vacation is something you rollover to next year, or you try 
to use up three weeks between Christmas and New Years 
because otherwise you will lose it, or you get a check for 
it every January

-Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with 
computers"

-Change is the norm

-Nepotism is encouraged

-The only reason you recognize your kids and friends is 
because their pictures are hanging in your cube

-You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting

-You read this entire list and understood it
                                                               

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