Lee's Funnies

                                                     

Comprehending Engineers - Take One

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning 
for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer 
fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting 
for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but 
I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, 
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?  
They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind 
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse 
from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free 
anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's 
so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them 
tonight."

The doctor said, "Good  idea. And I'm going to contact my 
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do 
for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" 

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing 
all things  mechanical. After serving his company loyally 
for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later 
the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible 
problem they were having with one of their multi-million 
dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else 
to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, 
they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many  
of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took 
the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine.  At 
the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a 
particular component of the machine and proudly stated, 
"This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly 
again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the 
engineer for his service.

They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The 
engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and 
Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build 
targets.

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it 
work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will 
it cost?"

The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want 
fries with that?"

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing 
the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all 
the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The 
nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else 
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a major 
recreational area?"

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Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

An engineering student was walking across campus when 
another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first.

The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along 
yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman 
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took 
off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice; the 
clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


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