Lee's Funnies

                                                     

Exam Answer Mishaps

The following are the wonderful misunderstandings and 
misspellings of UK 16-year-olds that were compiled by 
examiners nationwide.


Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they wrote in 
hydraulics. The climate of the Sarah is such the inhabitants 
have to live elsewhere.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first 
book - Guinessis Adam and Eve were created from an apple 
tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's 
son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made 
unleavened bread which is bread made without any 
ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten 
commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them 
we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth 
is a female moth.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving 
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an 
overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the 
biscuits and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of 
Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he 
was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out, "Tee hee, 
Brutus."

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by 
Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man 
should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest 
writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems, 
verses and literature.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". When she exposed 
herself before her troops, they shouted "Hurrah."

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure. He invented 
cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake 
circumcised the world with a 100ft clipper.

The greatest writer was William Shakespeare. He was born in 
the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He wrote 
tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies, all in Islamic 
pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic 
couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel 
Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. John Milton wrote Paradise 
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly 
noticeable in the autumn when apples are falling off the 
trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had 
a large number of children. In between he practiced on an 
old spinster which he kept up in his attic.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so 
deaf he wrote loud music.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British 
Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 
63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her 
death was the final event which ended her reign.

Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy and he was born in 
a log cabin which he built with his own hands.


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