Lee's Funnies

                                                     
         
                   GENESIS (Release 2.5)

[from Datamation, November, 1973]

In the beginning the Project Manager created the Programming 
Staff. The Programming Staff was without form and structure. 
And the Project Manager said, "Let there be Organization;" 
and there was Organization. And the Project Manager saw that 
Organization was good; and the Project Manager separated the 
workers from the supervisors, and he called the supervisors 
-- "Management," and he called the workers -- "Exempt."

And the Project Manager said, "Let there be a mission in the 
midst of the Organization, and let it separate the workers, 
one from another." And the Project Manager created the 
mission and he called it -- "The System." And the Project 
Manager separated those who were to benefit from The System 
from those who were to build it. And he called the former -- 
"Users," and he called the latter -- "Programmers."

And the Project Manager said, "let all the Programmers in 
the Organization be gathered together into one place, and 
let a Chief Programmer be brought up to lead them." And it 
was so. And the Project Manager saw that he was competent.

And the Project Manager said unto the Chief Programmer, 
"Create for me a schedule, so that I may look upon the 
schedule and know the Due Date." And the Chief Programmer 
went among his staff and consulted with them. And the staff 
was divided into two parts, one part was called -- 
"Analysts." and the other -- "Application Programmers." And 
the Analysts went back to their desks and estimated, as was 
their custom. And it came to pass that each Analyst brought 
his estimate to the Chief Programmer, whereupon he collected 
them, summarized them, and drew a PERT Chart.

And the Chief Programmer went unto the Project Manager and 
presented to him the estimate saying, "It shall take ten 
months." And the Project Manager was not pleased and said, 
"I have brought you up from the depths of the staff; you 
have not grasped the 'Big Picture.'" And the Project Manager 
hired consultants, and authorized overtime, and he said to 
the Chief Programmer, "Behold, see all that I have done! The 
Due Date will be in five months." The Chief Programmer was 
much impressed and went from before the Project Manager and 
proceeded to implement The System.

And the Chief Programmer sent his Analysts to the Users and 
said, "Let Specifications be written." And there were 
meetings, and lunches, and telephone calls. And the 
Specifications were written. And there was a Payday and the 
Happy Hour, one month.

And the Chief Programmer examined the Specifications and saw 
that they were too ambitious. And he separated the mandatory 
features from the optional features; and he called the 
mandatory features -- "Requirements," and he called the 
optional feature -- "Deferred," and the Users called him 
names. And the Chief Programmer gave the Specifications to 
the Analysts and said, "Let the Requirements be analyzed and 
let the Files be designed." And it was so. And the Chief 
Programmer said, "Let the Software Houses put forth their 
Salesmen, and let us have a Data Management System." And it 
was so. The Software Houses brought forth all manner of 
Salesmen who presented their packages, and claimed wondrous 
things for them, each according to his own file structure. 
And it came to pass that a Data Management System was 
selected; and the Chief Programmer saw that it was good. And 
there was a Payday and the Happy Hour, a second month.

And the Chief Programmer said, "Let the System be divided 
into parts, and let each part be called a 'Module.' And let 
programming teams be formed and let each be assigned to 
write a Module." And it was so. And the Chief Programmer 
created the programming teams with two levels, a greater and 
a lesser; and he called the greater the "Senior 
Programmers," and he called the lesser the "Junior 
Programmers." And he gave the greater dominion over the 
lesser. And the Chief Programmer saw it was good. And the 
Junior Programmers saw it differently. And there was a 
Payday and the Happy Hour, a third month.

And the Chief Programmer said, "Let the programming be 
started and let much overtime be consumed, for there are but 
two months left." And the Programmers, both the Senior and 
the Junior, were much afraid, and they strove to please the 
Chief Programmer. And they flowcharted, and they coded, each 
in his own fashion. And the Chief Programmer looked upon the 
work and liked it not. And the Chief Programmer said, "Let 
there be a Standard;" and there was a Standard. And the 
Programmers looked upon the Standard and liked it not. And 
there was a Payday and the Happy Hour, a fourth month.

And the Chief Programmer said, "Let there be Progress 
Reports, so we can monitor and control;" and there were 
Progress Reports. And the Chief Programmer looked upon the 
Progress Reports and saw that the Due Date was not to be 
met. And the Chief Programmer arose, pressed his suit, 
shaved his beard, and went unto the Project Manager, and 
groveled. And the Chief Programmer pointed his fingers, and 
caused Blame to issue forth upon all manner of creatures who 
sold Hardware and Software. And the Chief Programmer asked 
for an Extension. And the Project Manager was exceedingly 
angry, and cast doubts upon the Chief Programmer's ancestry; 
and uttered a multitude of threats. But it came to pass that 
an Extension was granted; and the Chief Programmer took the 
Extension back to the programming teams, and there was much 
rejoicing. And the programming of the modules was completed. 
And there was a Payday and the Happy Hour, a fifth month.

And the Chief Programmer said, "Let the Modules be 
integrated, one with another, so that System Testing may 
begin." And it was so. Two by two the Modules were 
integrated, one with another. And great difficulties were 
experienced, and many hours of overtime were used, and many 
cups of coffee were consumed. And it came to pass that 
System Testing was completed. And there was a Payday and the 
Happy Hour, a sixth month.

Then the Chief Programmer did go to the Project Manager and 
said unto him, "Behold, I bring you good tidings of great 
joy which will come to all the Users; for on this day The 
System is completed." And suddenly there was with them a 
multitude of Users praising the Chief Programmer and saying, 
"Glory be to The System in the highest, but can you make 
this one small change?"


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