Lee's Funnies

Sign over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your
cervix."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in Pennsylvania:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Veterinarian's office: "All unattended children given free
kitten."
 
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
 
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
 
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next
blowout."
 
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. May we pick your
nose?"
 
Sign at the psychic's hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call
you."
 
At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We
want tows."
 
Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the
road and stop reading these signs."
 
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
 
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke we will assume you
are on fire and take appropriate action."
 
On maternity room door: "Push, Push, Push."
 
At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're
looking for you've come to the right place."
 
On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
 
In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
 
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
 
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll
hear you coming."
 
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send
in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
 
Inside a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a
pin drop."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry.
Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll
wait."


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