Lee's Funnies

 

GREAT THINKERS OF OUR TIME!

1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I
would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if
we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we
cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." --- Miss
Alabama, 1994 Miss USA contest

2. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that
but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --- Mariah Carey

3. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the
same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also
discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what
they are." --- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22

4. "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with
the law." --- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering
accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

5."Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of your life." --- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

6. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
--- Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward

7. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates in the country." --- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

8. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." --- Jason Kidd,
upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

9. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
are the president." --- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

10."China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." --- Former
French President Charles De Gaulle

11. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." --- A Congressional Candidate
in Texas

12. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Former U.S.
Vice President Dan Quayle

13. "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the
public mind." --- General William Westmoreland

And last but not least - a parting word from Dan Quayle:

14. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
 

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