Lee's Funnies

Tokyo, Japan, May 20 - Sony has announced its own computer
operating system now available on its hot new portable PC
called the Vaio.  Instead of producing the cryptic error
messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows and DOS
systems, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to
capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on
what has been-until now-an operating system that reflects
Western cultural hegemony.

For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful
Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku
poetry." The computer haiku messages are just as informative
as Microsoft's and they make you pause just long enough that
you're able to fight the impulse to put a fist through the
screen.  The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's new
error messages:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

You seek a Web site.
It cannot be located.
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Stop, reflect, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask way too much.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss.
The presence of absence.
"June Sales.doc" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao
Until you bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
The Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream
But the water has moved on.
Page not found.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you are seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank


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