Lee's Funnies

IDIOTS AT WORK ...
 
I went inside a McDonalds one time and ordered 2 ice cream cones. I
was asked if they were for here or to go and said "What difference
does it make?" The girl behind the counter said "I can't let you have
them if you don't answer my question".
 
I said "One is for here and one is to go". I then paid for the 2 cones
and left.
 
IDIOTS AT WORK ...
 
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit
card.  She informed me that she could not complete the transaction
unless the card was signed.  When I asked why, she explained that it
was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the
signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in
front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I
signed on the receipt.
 
As luck would have it, they matched.
 
ADVICE FOR IDIOTS

An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety
Handbook for employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate
your eyes."
 
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason:  Many deer were being hit
by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.
 
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he
was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
 
IDIOT SIGHTINGS

Sighting #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
 
Sighting #2:

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the
street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of
mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained
that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded,
appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
 
Sighting #3:

Recognize anyone here? At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear
coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager
spoke up and said, "this is fun.  We should have lunch like this more
often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like
deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
 
Sighting #4:

I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system
would not turn on.
 
Sighting #5:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in
it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working
feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.  As I watched from the
passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered
it was open.  "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I
know," answered the young man "I already got that side."


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