Lee's Funnies

                                                     

Subject: Please Help

Hi!

I heard that you felt generous and wanted to give during 
this holiday season ...

                A Plea for Help!

With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your 
heart to help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball 
Association basketball players in our very own country are 
living at or just below the seven-figure salary level 
(Atrocious!) And, as if that weren't bad enough, they will 
be deprived of pay for several weeks -- possibly a whole 
year -- as a result of the current lock-out situation. But 
now, you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that's less 
than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help 
a basketball player remain economically viable during his 
time of need. This contribution by no means solves the 
problem, as it barely covers the yearly league minimum, ... 
but it's a start!

Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to 
a basketball player it could mean the difference between a 
vacation spent golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise. 
For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a 
month's rent or mortgage payments. But to a basketball 
player, $700 will almost replace his daily salary. Your 
commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player buy 
that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus 
for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

            HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on 
the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his 
stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment 
holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get 
information on how he plans to invest the $5 million lump 
sum he will receive upon retirement. Plus upon signing up 
for this program, you will receive a photo of the player 
(unsigned - for a signed photo, please include an additional 
$50.00). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of 
other peoples' suffering.

            HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?

Your basketball player will be told that he has a SPECIAL 
FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although 
the player won't know your name, he will be able to make 
collect calls to your home via a special operator just in 
case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses.

                 YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a striking NBA basketball player. My 
preference is checked below:

[ ] Starter [ ] Reserve [ ] Star (Higher cost) [ ] Superstar 
(Much higher cost) [ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 
number to ask for the cost of a specific team (Cheerleaders 
not included.) [ ] I'll sponsor a player most in need. 
Please select one for me. 

Please charge the account listed below $694.50 per day for a 
reserve player or starter for the duration of the strike. 
Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, 
along with a team logo and my very own NBA Players 
Association badge to wear proudly on my lapel.

Your Name: _______________________
Telephone Number: _______________________
Account Number: _______________________
Exp.Date: ____
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Discover
Signature: _______________________ 

Mail completed form to NBA Players Association or call 
1-900-2MUCH now to enroll by phone.

Note: Sponsors are not permitted to contact the player they 
have sponsored, either in person or by other means 
including, but not limited to, telephone calls, letters, 
e-mail, or third parties. Keep in mind that the basketball 
player you have sponsored will be much too busy enjoying his 
free time, thanks to your generous donations.

Contributions are not tax-deductible.


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