Lee's Funnies

                                                     

Yet another version of everyone's favorite scandal ...

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that 
God had had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal 
was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, 
claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last 
week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. Sources close to 
Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that 
she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, 
and that she was "thrilled to have had his child." In a 
press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, 
saying that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the 
facts of this story will come out in time, verily".

Independent counsel Kenneth Beazulbub immediately filed a 
brief with the Justice department to expand his 
investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments 
may have been broken, and whether God had illegally 
funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through 
three foreign operatives know only as the "Wise Men".  
Beazulbub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are 
rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics 
have pointed out that these allegations have little to do 
with the charges that Beazulbub was originally appointed to 
investigate, that God had created large-scale flooding in 
order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal. In recent 
months, Beazulbub's investigation has already been expanded 
to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts 
that plagued God's political opponents in the last election, 
as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of 
Sodom and Gommorah was to divert attention away from a 
scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public 
land in Promised County to a Jewish special interest group 
was quid pro quo for political contributions.

If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a 
huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent 
crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher 
punishments for wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a 
"tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a series of 10 
"Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a 
bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill have pointed out 
that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of 
criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight 
the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional 
restriction on free speech.


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