Lee's Funnies

                          Points to Ponder

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's the self-help 
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

7. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no 
woman around to hear him ... is he still wrong?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it 
considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean 
them?

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

18. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

19. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain 
silent?

20. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

21. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

22. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

23. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

24. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

25. The older you get, the better you realize you were.

26. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

27. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

28. Women like silent men; they think they're listening.

29. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

30. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he 
will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

31. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

32. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

33. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

34. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

35. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

36. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

37. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?


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