Lee's Funnies

                                                     

Selecting a Programming Language Made Easy

Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth

Department of Computer Science, University of Waterloo

Waterloo, Ontario, Canada N2L 3G1

With such a large selection of programming languages it can 
be difficult to choose one for a particular project. Reading 
the manuals to evaluate the languages is a time consuming 
process. On the other hand, most people already have a 
fairly good idea of how various automobiles compare. So in 
order to assist those trying to choose a language, we have 
prepared a chart that matches programming languages with 
comparable automobiles.

Assembler - A Formula I race car. Very fast, but difficult 
to drive and expensive to maintain.

FORTRAN II - A Model T Ford. Once it was king of the road.

FORTRAN IV - A Model A Ford.

FORTRAN 77 - A six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard 
transmission and no seat belts.

COBOL - A delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but it does the 
work.

BASIC - A second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and 
patched upholstery. Your dad bought it for you to learn to 
drive. You'll ditch the car as soon as you can afford a new 
one.

PL/I - A Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a 
two-tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, 
and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield.

C - A black Firebird, the all-macho car. Comes with optional 
seat belts (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to 
assembler).

ALGOL 60 - An Austin Mini. Boy, that's a small car.

Pascal - A Volkswagen Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was 
once popular with intellectuals.

Modula II - A Volkswagen Rabbit with a trailer hitch.

ALGOL 68 - An Astin Martin. An impressive car, but not just 
anyone can drive it.

LISP - An electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are 
not available.

PROLOG/LUCID - Prototype concept-cars.

Maple/MACSYMA - All4errain vehicles.

FORTH - A go-cart.

LOGO - A kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a 
real engine and a working horn.

APL - A double-decker bus. It takes rows and columns of 
passengers to the same place all at the same time. But, it 
drives only in reverse gear, and is instrumented in Greek.

Ada - An army green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, 
power brakes and automatic transmission are all standard. No 
other colors or options are available. If it's good enough 
for the generals, it's good enough for you. Manufacturing 
delays due to difficulties reading the design specification 
are starting to clear up.


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