Lee's Funnies

                                                     

Some truly amazingly bad puns ...

Not too long ago a scientist tried to clone himself. 
However, his clone was very obnoxious and lewd, while the 
scientist was well received and respected. Finally fed up 
with his experiment gone wrong, he threw his clone off the 
roof of the laboratory; killing the clone. He was arrested 
by the local police for ... making an obscene clone fall.

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Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family 
were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were 
unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for 
whom the Tell's bowled.

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A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American 
folk remedies with the assistance of a witch doctor who 
indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure 
cure for constipation. When the anthropologist expressed 
his doubts, the witch doctor looked him in the eye and said, 
"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

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Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts 
wanted to produce other products and, since they already 
made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market 
compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out 
that although their watches were of finest quality, their 
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada 
or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the 
origin of the expression,"He who has a Tates is lost!"

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A thief broke into the local police station and stole all 
the restroom fixtures. A police spokesman was quoted as 
saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

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An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the 
medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man 
took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the 
chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one 
inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine 
man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief 
shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady 
lingers on."

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A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and 
found his name missing from the town register. His wife 
insisted on complaining to the local civic official who 
apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my 
census."


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