Lee's Funnies
Top Reasons for Being ...
Top Ten Reasons For Being French
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for
the first time.
3. You get to eat disgusting food like snails and frogs
legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night
films.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's
countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous
street, humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just piss in the
street.
10. People think you're a great lover even though you're
not.
Top Ten Reasons For Being American
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still hold elected office.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do
anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made
and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy."
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth, when
you're not at all.
Top Ten Reasons For Being British
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting
events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a
world power.
8. Bathing once a week -- whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh.
11. Or Scottish.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Italian
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history, -- well, till about 400 A.D.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Spanish
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in
stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands' War.
Top Ten Reasons For Being German
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. Built-in sense of pacifism.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Indian
1. Chicken Madras
2. Lamb Passanda
3. Onion Bhaji
4. Bombay Potato
5. Chicken Tikka Masala
6. Rogan Josh
7. Pappadoms
8. Chicken Dopiaza
9. Meat Poona
10. Kingfisher lager
Top Ten Reasons For Being Welsh
1. Very funny.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Irish
1. Guinness.
2. 18 children to a family.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's
road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the
second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend
that you can't have sex using a condom.
6. No one can ever remember the night before.
7. Kill people you don't agree with.
8. Stew.
9. More Guinness.
10. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3
in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Canadian
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
3. You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge frigging shotguns and cover your house in
their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Australian
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no
civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Foster's Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for
40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket,
even though you don't understand the rules either.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on
the beach.
Top Ten Reasons For Being Israeli
1. Get to speak a language no one else in the world can
understand.
2. Can party down while crazy Arabs bomb cities.
3. Public transportation.
4. Great homesteading opportunities.
5. Has the US snookered into believing they are allies.
6. Beautiful population of Unibrows.
7. Right to carry fully automatic weapons.
8. Smelly tourists.
9. No restrictive catholic edicts.
10. No change lying around.
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