Lee's Funnies

                       RULES OF THE AIR

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If
you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless
you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get
bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up
there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on
fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane
used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually
watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever
collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A
'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane
again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long
enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes
full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to
the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small
probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain
didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps
talking about might be another airplane going in the
opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that
mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal
to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth
landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of
experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience
before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth
repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's
going round and round and all you can hear is commotion
coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all
as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum
going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero
miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the
experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going
forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law.
And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the
altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a
second ago.


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