Lee's Funnies

 

Thoughts to Ponder
 
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
 
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
 
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

- Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

- Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.
 
- The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is
research.

- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

- If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.


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