Lee's Funnies

)Exam questions by Patrick Carey (?)
)Exam answers by Damon Rolfs
)Minor edits by Lee Bradley

HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, 
concentrating particularly but not exclusively on its social, political, 
economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and 
Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific. (Use Cases)  

     The papacy took everyone's land by sending half of Europe to die killing
     aborigines (see PUBLIC SPEAKING below). The papacy then goes on world
     tours every year, mooching off of everyone while  telling them how they
     suck.  Good career, if you ask me. 

MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of
scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has been
inspected.  You have fifteen minutes. 

     I can condition out of this -- my appendix was removed a few years back.  
     However, I will be more than happy to remove Riad's.  

PUBLIC SPEAKING
2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom.  Calm them.  You may
use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

     Note:  Historically I don't recall aborigines speaking Greek nor Latin,
     but I will  continue, assuming you're not a complete idiot ...  

     Is Swahili, and waving the machine I just constructed (see ENGINEERING
     below), I'd  point out that they have sticks -- I have a machine gun.
     They must also worry about  the Bengal.  (Did I mention it was hungry?) 
     Also, don't forget about the Crusaders  (see HISTORY above).  Let them
     battle it out. 

BIOLOGY
Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human cultures if this
form of life had been developed 500 million years earlier with special
attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.  Prove
your thesis.

     Again I must condition out of this -- there are simply too many jokes possible
     about your  mother to answer this one ;-}. 

MUSIC
Write a piano concert.  Orchestrate and perform with flute and drum.  You will
find a piano under your seat. 

     Displaying your typical administrative talent, there was no piano. 
     Instead, I chose to orchestrate Spilde's keyboard.  Under my direction, he
     played a most beautiful sonnet  to the bravo's! of skonen and Chang. 

PSYCHOLOGY
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability,
degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following: 
Alexander of Aphrosisias, Ramases II, Gregory of Nicea, Hammurabi.  Support
your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate
references.  It is not necessary to translate.

     I think Alexander said it best when he exclaimed -- "We're here -- by CHOICE,
     man ... by choice." 

SOCIOLOGY
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. 
Construct an experiment to test your theory. 

     Quite the opposite,  all races will be equally happy not living together
     -- even without  Affirmative Action!  (See POLITICAL SCIENCE below for
     experiment.)

ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on
your desk.  You will also find an instruction manual printed in swahili.  In 10
minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to this room.  Take whatever
action you consider appropriate.  Be prepared to justify your decision. 

     I think the Bengal will be much too busy worrying about the 2,500
     aborigines behind  it.  (Did I mention they were hungry?) 

ECONOMICS
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.  Trace the possible
effects of your plan in the following areas:  Cubism, the Donatist controversy,
the wave theory of light.  Outline a method for preventing these effects. 
Criticize this method from all possible points of view.  Point out the
deficiencies in your point of view as demonstrated in your answer to the last
question. 

     Shoot, Scott's a manager ...  If he can afford to take Fix, Chang and Hui
     out to lunch --  he can take us ALL out to lunch! 

POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk next to you.  Start World War III.  Report
on its socio-political effects, if any. 

     See SOCIOLOGY above for socio-political impacts.

EPISTEMOLOGY
Take a position for or against truth.  Prove the validity of your position. 

     Truth sucks.  Proof:  Bon Jovi makes way more money than I do making songs
     worse  than my keyboard concerto performed by Mark Spilde. 

PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter.  Include in your answer an evaluation of the
impact of the development of mathmatics on science.  

     Basically, something that's made up of matter is thicker than something
     that isn't made  up of matter.  As far as the impact of mathematics on
     science:  I know you were some flaky Cake-Studies (CS) major, but
     mathematics is science. 

PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought.  Estimate the significance of its
development.  Compare with the development of other forms of though.  

     Basically all thought has developed around a few basic need: hunger and
     sex. Although many would think sex would be the driving force, most
     theorists believe hunger is the driving force. (Cause they never get any.) 

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be specific.  
     
     Specifically, see both EPISTEMOLOGY and PHYSICS above.

EXTRA CREDIT
Describe the universe.  Give three examples. 

     The Universe is real big.  Three examples are: 

     (1) Orson Wells (posthumously)
     (2) The kludges you'll see in Win 95
     (3) Michael Jordan -- da Bulls (okay, so I couldn't think of anything.)


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