(I miss my valet parking)
Those of us working in the IT industry know that the recent economic slowdown has definitely had an effect on the workplace. Gone are the heady days of catered lunches, onsite massage therapy and mink-upholstered office chairs. The crunch for profits has stripped all but the basic necessities from the average tech office. Just last week, our office decided to lay off the Japanese gardener who cares for the Bonsai trees that mark the entrance to the bocce court in our 320-acre corporate pleasure dome and conference center. I swear, is there no end to this madness?
There are even rumors that management is going to phase out the complimentary pitchers of sangria that staff normally receive during the lunch hour cockfights. I tell you my friends ... the belt is tightening.
Still, as tragic as the cutbacks in our office are, there are some companies who are not stopping at trimming the fatłthey and are carving up the workplace perks like Freddy Krueger inhabiting the dreams of a narcoleptic teenager.
So, here are some warning signs that your company may be feeling the IT profit pinch.
1) Management removes the free pop and juice out of the fridge, and replaces it with damp sponges for employees to suck on when they're thirsty.
2) Your workstation gets equipped with a treadmill so you can generate your own electricity.
(Californians can ignore this warning sign ... this has already been in place for several months now.)
3) Your boss aggressively encourages you to play the new slot machines in the employee lunchroom.
4) The office photocopier is now coin-fed ... as are the toilets, the water cooler, the fire extinguishers, the first-aid kit and the machine that provides breathable air to your vacuum-sealed cubicle.
5) Management has the office air conditioner disconnected, and distributes paper fans and salt tablets.
6) The 'Net Pay' box on your bi-weekly pay stub has the words "In Theory" printed below the dollar amount.
And finally ...
7) After several dozen employees mysteriously disappear, the regular company-provided snacks disappear from the cupboards, and are replaced with bags of a tasty new product called 'Soylent Green'.