Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. * Cora Harvey Armstrong

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. * Helen Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. * Janette Barber

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. * Jan King

A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" * Linda Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. * Lily Tomlin

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears. * Geri Jewell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. * Carrie Snow

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. * Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. * Erma Bombeck

Old age ain't no place for sissies. * Bette Davis

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. * Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. * Jane Sellman

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows. * Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. * Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. * Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. * Jennifer Unlimited

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. * Catherine Aird

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss.  And they called ME slow! * Kathy Buckley

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ... and I'm also not blonde. * Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. * Erica Jong

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. * Sue Grafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. * Roseanne Barr

I think ... therefore I'm single. * Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. * Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. * Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. * Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. * Gloria Steinem

I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late every night. * Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck? * Linda Ellerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. * Zsa Zsa Gabor

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. * Eleanor Roosevelt