1. VICE PRESIDENT GORE I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
2. GEORGE W. BUSH I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road.
3. SENATOR LIEBERMAN I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
4. DICK CHENEY Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
5. RALPH NADER Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to make tires then leads chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens.
6. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
7. JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it-the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
8. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
9. ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain.
10. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross without having their motives called into question.
11. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
12. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
13. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability.
14. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
15. RONALD REAGAN What chicken?
16. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
17. FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
18. FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
19. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
20. EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
21. BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
22. GEORGE BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question.
23. LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
24. THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
25. COLONEL SANDERS I missed one?