Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel
noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know
you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have? A
suppository?" She pulled it out & stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm
glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing
on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the
old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the
captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him
as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read:
"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean.
We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it
was a pearl worth $50,000....please advise". The old man faxed back: "Send me
the pearl and re-bait the trap"
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have
a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets
up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I
said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the
afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes
me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me
until 2:00 a.m. I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said,
"I can't remember where I live!"
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had
shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been
limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing
cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know
we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've
thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.
Her friend glared at her. For at least two minutes she just stared and glared at
her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the
difference.
Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 5:36:27 PM