One evening, an elderly couple were sitting together watching television. During one of the commercials, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?" After a long thoughtful silence, and during the next commercial, the wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a Christmas card from them this year."

In 2001, five times more money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.

Presumably, we can predict that in thirty years, there will be a great number of people walking around with huge breasts and erections, unable to remember what to do with them.

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.

Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.

Here is this year's list:

(1) The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1984.

(2) They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.

(3) They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged. Black Monday, 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

(4) There has been only one Pope.

(5) They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold War.

(6) They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

(7) The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.

Feeling old Yet? There's more:

(8) They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

(9) Roller skating has always meant inline for them.

(10) Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

(11) They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

(12) The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II and the Civil War.

(13) They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

(14) They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. was.

(15) Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not rock bands.

(16) McDonalds never came in styrofoam containers.

(17) They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

(18) There has always been e-mail.

Now that you feel old enough, pass this on to the other old fogies,

But don't send it back to me, I feel old enough already.

In June, after the British musical group the Planets introduced a 60-second piece of complete silence on its latest album, representatives of the estate of composer John Cage, who once wrote "4'33"" (273 seconds of silence), threatened to sue the group for ripping Cage off (but failed, said the group, to specify which 60 of the 273 seconds it thought had been pilfered). Said Mike Batt of the Planets: "Mine is a much better silent piece. I (am) able to say in one minute what (took Cage) four minutes and 33 seconds." [The Independent (London), 6-21-02]