Picking Up Women
Would you like some affection?
It's the will of God.
I bought you a beer.
Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.
What do you mean you're going home without sleeping with me?! You put on your come-fuck-me pumps and your tight jeans and spend all evening looking at me with your please-take-me-to-bed eyes and you wait till now to change your mind???
We've been friends for so long - we know almost everything about each other. What difference could it make, except to heighten our friendship?
If we sleep together we can get rid of this sexual tension in our friendship.
Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!
I just want to hold you all night.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
What do you say we go back to my room and do some math? What?!? Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
Let's merge.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.
Do you have your diaphragm in?
Can I buy you a drink?
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Will you buy me a drink?
What do you mean you're going home? What a tease!
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.
I'm x years old. I can't believe I'm x years old and still a virgin.
Usually the first person I see in the morning is me - in the mirror. How would you feel if I said that I'd like tomorrow to be different?
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
Nice tits.
Should I call you or nudge you tomorrow.
So ... uh ... how do you like your eggs?
If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
Wanna fuck?
Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
Would you like to dance? I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you. I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants
I've never done this before, I knew you were the one.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
My balls hurt.
I look good on you.
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? No. Well then, please start.
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
So ... are you game?
So ... how am I doing?
I just want to make you feel good.
I just want to show you how much I love you.
Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.
If there is a nuclear war tomorrow, you will die without ever having had sex with me.
There's a rumor around school that you are a lesbian.
If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?
If you love me, prove it.
Have you ever been licked until tears rolled from your eyes?
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
Well??? (tacky)
Looking into your eyes is just like having an orgasm, allow me to demonstrate.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?
Want to watch the sun rise?
I love every bone in your body - especially mine.
Do you want to be called for breakfast or should I just blow in your ear?
Excuse me, do you wanna fuck, or should I apologize.
Are those implants?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
I think you are beautiful ... I'd like to make love.
Do you want to dance? No? Well I guess a fuck is out of the question.
But it'll be so good...
I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
The way I see it is that our sex life is only so long, we may as well live it up now.
Do you want to exchange massages?
Hi, I'm a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
But I could teach you so much ...
Excuse me, you have something stuck between your teeth, mind if I suck it out?
I lost my bed, can I borrow yours?
Why don't you come sit on my lap, and we'll see what pops up.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
I've been taking all these women's studies courses and I'm confused about my sexuality.
Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.
My recipe for love is one cup of you, one cup of me, mead till hard, and serve hot.
My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going ...
Are you on the pill?
Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
Want to come up and see my rock collection?
I like your legs ... I'd like them better up in the air.
You know you want it.
You be the tree, and I'll wrap you like a Koala.
Do you want to go get a pizza, go back to my place, and then fuck till our ears bleed? No! You don't like pizza?
Hey baby, I'm like American Express, you don't want to leave home without me.
I could tell you I really like you for your intelligence, your wit, and your personality. But I'm honest ... let's have sex.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Uhm ... Are you an aerobics instructor?
That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.
I'm collecting pubic hairs. May I have one of yours?
Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
I'm gay but I'm not sure. I guess I'm questioning. Do you think you could help?
May I examine your private parts?
Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.
Would you like to come back to my place for a drink and a fuck, or don't you drink?
Want to dance? No. Well, I guess a blow job's out of the question?
If you loved me you would.
What do you think about two people who are close friends? I mean, do you think they can have sex and it won't affect their friendship?
If you don't I'll tell everyone that you did.
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Do you want to dance? No. Do you want to have sex? No. Neither do I, let's get it over with.
You have just got to be a model, right?
I miss my teddy bear ... Would you sleep with me?
I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
Have you ever tried a real man before?
You need it.
I've never been in love like this before. You're special, not like the rest.
I'll still respect you in the morning.
Oh, come on ... you want it as much as I do.
I enjoy doing maintenance. You look like someone I would like to "tinker" around with.
Let's go up to my room and smoke some pot.
Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
Let's get away from the crowd.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb.
Excuse me, but could you give me directions? To where? Your heart.
Will you rub my back?
Wanna see my marble collection.
Ever heard the 1812 overture on compact disc?
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Pleeeeeeaaaase. (remember to use your 'puppy eyes' with this one)
I'm not wearing any underwear.
I think I'm in love, but you'll do for tonight.
Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.
My roomate's gone for the weekend. I'll move the beds together if you'll keep me company.
Could you do me a favor? I'm curious to see how you kiss.
My face is leaving in ten minutes. Be on it.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
I've been stuck on the farm for a month - could you help me out?
I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?
I really love your smile, it illuminates the entire room.
My zipper is reaching critical mass.
I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.
The word of the day is "legs." Let's go to me place and spread the word.
And finally the best one, unfortunately it's also the one that can get you in the most trouble:
I love you.