Things you have to believe to be a Republican today
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Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers
for your recovery.
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The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
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Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but
crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of
illness.
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"Standing Tall for America'" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.
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A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind
without regulation.
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Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.
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The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.
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Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.
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If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
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A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.
http://www.primepuzzle.com/leeslightest/republican_today.html
Monday, July 05, 2004 - 12:11:46 PM