A Joke from Maine.

A 1 "L" lama is a priest.
A 2 "L" llama is a beast.
A 3 "L" lllama is one hell of a fire.

Well, as my friend Howard has pointed out, it's really from Ogden Nash!

The Lama

The one-l lama,
He's a priest.
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.*

	-- Ogden Nash

(to which Nash appended the footnote

  *The author's attention has been called to a type of conflagration known
  as a three-alarmer. Pooh.


This is probably Nash's best known poem, and for good reason. Not only does
he provide a wonderfully quotable mnemonic, he goes on to extend it with an
almost Carrollian piece of whimsy, carrying the progression through to its
logical conclusion (why *isn't* there a three-l lllama anyway?). And the
footnote is a delightful piece of icing on the cake, there being something
so Nashian about the pun that I have to wonder whether it was part of the
poem all along.


Back in 1995 we made a Christmas card based on a llama poem by Ogden Nash:

The one-l lama, hes a priest.
The two-l llama, hes a beast.
I will bet a silk pajama
There isnt any three-l lllama.

As you can see below, we decided to take it a step further:

Bronx firefighter crest

You know that a three el lllama
is a really big fire in New York ...

Llamas in Peru

a two el llama is a beast from Peru ...

Dalai Lama

and that a one el lama is a priest from Tibet ...

Now you can meet ...

Llama with antlers

the No el llama.



The Magician and the Parrot.

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week
so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: the Captain's parrot saw the shows each week
and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show.
"Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under
the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all,
the Captain's parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank,
drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found
himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea with, as
fate would have it ... the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred
but did not utter a word. This went on for a day ...

and then 2 days ...

then 3 days ...

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and
said ...

"OK, I give up. Wha'd'you do with the ship?"



The Blonde Cop.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."



The Blonde EE.

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation,
get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be
executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did
the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is
asked if she has any last words.

She says, "I just graduated from Brigham Young University and believe in
the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately
prostrate themselves, beg for her forgiveness and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I
just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power
of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all
immediately prostrate themselves, beg for her forgiveness and release

The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from Texas
A&M University and just graduated with a degree in Electrical
Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute
nobody if you don't plug this thing in."



The Rules of Chocolate.

1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it
too slowly.

2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries
all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in
a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal; It'll take the edge
off your appetite and you'll eat less.

5. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of
calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that
a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

7. Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A.
Because no one wants to quit.

8. Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.

9. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today.
That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

11. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?



Always keep your condoms ...

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It
was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was
twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was braless. One
day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going
upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up
and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up
the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and
threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then
turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.

I opened the door and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my
entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in
his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy
that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better
man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.